We might be able to sit here and carry
on a conversation with each other about the weather, about homework,
about weekend plans or about our favourite music, but she can't. We
might be able to sit down and focus on a task or project for class,
but she can't. We might be able to go downtown or out to dinner with
friends, but she can't do that. Not right now at least.
She doesn't care about the weather,
about homework, about plans, or about music. She can't focus on a
task because she doesn't have any motivation to do it. She doesn't
have the energy to get herself dressed or plaster on a smile to go
act in front of her friends. She doesn't feel anything anymore. It's
so easy for us to say, “Just do it”, like we're all spokespeople
for Nike. But she can't. The physical and mental processes that need
to happen in order to pick up a pencil is just too much.
Right now everything is just –
emotionless. It doesn't matter if something is due and her school
year is on the line. The pressure of wasting another 2500 dollars
doesn't make her able to do it any faster. And it doesn't matter if
going out sounds like fun in theory and it certainly doesn't matter
if the sun is shining and its a beautiful day outside. It doesn't
change anything.
No matter what needs to be done or
should be done there's only one thought going through her head:
What's worth living for?
At the end of the day she doesn't care
about homework or the weather because she doesn't even know what she
wants to be alive for. The sun doesn't make a difference. A night out
won't make a difference. What's happening on the weekend won't make a
difference and being told to “just do it” doesn't make it easier
or even worth doing.
Going to bed convincing herself that
there might be something worth living for tomorrow is the only thing
that gets her through the night... That tiny, little, slight glimmer
of hope over the distant horizon.
Wow Melissa, you really captured a person here and made me emphasize this person's depression. You really painted a pictured of a motionless women laying on a couch next to a window somewhere. I am not sure if that was what you were going for, but, wow did you ever paint that picture in my head... it made me have goosebumps a little. I really thought your use of repeating descriptive words throughout this blog really enforced your message. Something I did notice though, and something you might want to consider for your next piece, is that you didn't use many senses. I think this blog would have been way more emotional if you used smell or touch here.
ReplyDeleteGreat job and I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
Sarah
Thank you so much for your lovely and thoughtful response! I really like the idea of incorporating other senses -- that's not something I really considered but it could definitely add to the piece.
ReplyDeleteI'm really pleased you were able to get such a picture of the person and the emotion :)
You painted a brilliant picture, Melissa! I really think you have found a voice. Writing in this way demands conveyance of meaning and content and this piece proves you have found that. I look forward to reading the rest of your posts :)
ReplyDeleteCaitlyn
I agree with the rest of the comments and came here to elaborate on a point that Sarah made - the incorporation of other senses. I'm not 100% who this character is, but I know what she does (or in this case, doesn't) care about. I know what's in her head. But who is she? How does she carry herself, physically and how do others see her. What's happening to her and why?
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued, maybe that's why I'm so curious!
Lorie